Long term relationships
There are only two modes of living: 1) Trying to get over a long term relationship; 2) trying to get in one. You are stuck in the latter, hoping that Mr. Now is Mr. Right. Is he? Independent of the person you are with right now, how any person including you can make a long term relationship last remains unchanged.
Ways to make a long term relationship work
1. Trust
2. Love
3. Date
4. Respect
5. Privacy
6. Romance
7. Freedom
Things that will make your long term relationship work
You may feel shot down about your long term relationship after hearing about the latest gossip about things not working out the way everyone expected. Luckily enough, there are things you can work on to make it last for you.
1. Trust
How far would you go to prove you have trust?
Relationships are love. But love alone cannot really hold up the candle required for a long term relationship; Trust can. It is what so many of us rely on; the freedom to know that someone who you love dearly knows how important you are and shows it through his actions. It is the force that drives you and gives you the freedom to erase all insecurities.
Pauletta Washington has been married to one of the top male icons in Hollywood; Denzel Washington. She does not worry about his status or his female fan base because she is assured that at the end of the day "he's coming home"
The relationship foundation
Trust is the foundation of a ltr relationship; you cannot expect a relationship to last if you cannot trust him and vice versa. A successful relationship is one where trust is fostered through loyalty and caring. One must go above and beyond in effort to make sure their partner feels wanted. But not to the point where you are sacrificing yourself for him. You must put yourself as the first priority, but that doesn't give you reason to neglect him at any point. Relationships are easy when both partners understand and are capable of fulfilling each other's needs.
2. Love
What's love?
Tom hanks has kept his 25 year marriage with Rita Wilson together by "not letting it fail". Working on a relationship is something that people who really knows how to have a successful long term relationship will continuously do. Love is the foundation that a relationship is built on. If you are not in love then it really makes no sense. This is the substance that holds the relationship together supported by other important factors such as trust and respect. Knowing that someone loves you and that you love them is one of the greatest feelings in the world. If you are in love the last thing you want is to let that go; to have it turn into a failure.
Lust and Love
Love is a concept that is often thought about but rarely understood in today's immediate gratification society. It has become more about lust, which is easy to confuse with love as a legitimate part of a relationship. Of course lust is what kicks off the beginning of every relationship, but there has to be love for each other in order for the relationship to last. A long standing relationship cannot be built around lust as lust is only temporary attraction based on passion.
3. Date
You're not the only one who's ever thought about giving up on dating.
Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis have shared many wonderful years together. But still they plan occasional trips together and enjoy being tourist; going to theatres and museums. They describe their outings as little details of their lives that have kept them together. So many couples swear by this. They have been together for years yet they are still "dating". We all know that the average relationship starts out by dating and then slowly it eases into something more comfortable; no need to go out more often now and then slowly the closest thing you probably come to going out is when you are visiting family for Christmas. Have spontaneous date night that will make you both feel the same excitement and anxiety that was there when you first met.
Patience wins
Dating is important to gain new experiences about life in general. It's not very likely that you will find true love your first couple of chances. It's very likely that you will have some bad experiences while dating. It's possible that having your heart broken will make you want to give up on dating for good. But those who persevere and keep their heart open to new possibilities will be rewarded greatly when they find a partner who sets the standard for the way a boyfriend should act. Keep searching and be patient while dating to get the highest reward.
4. Respect
Is there respect?
Just because he is now committed to you do not mean you should be slacking off. Ever noticed how most people say that people change when they have become too close to them? Yet others will always say their partner are still the same? It is because they have the know-how to have a successful long term relationship. It's not really that the person has changed. More like their perceptions have; meeting a new person means you are skeptical about how you treat them but when you realize they are not picky or won't argue etc., you might be harder on them. Suddenly respect fades.
Keep your cool
No matter how sticky the relationship gets, keep your cool and maintain that bridge. You should never disrespect your partner under any circumstance. Anger takes its toll on you especially, and the chances for a long lasting relationship become very slim for you. Taking your anger out on your boyfriend and then guys in general will leave you jaded and less likely to establish any meaningful relationship in the future.
5. Privacy
Establishing boundaries in the relationship is one way to improve stability.
Every relationship needs support. Support for each other and support from friends and relatives should always be welcomed but know where to draw the lines. Always putting your issues out there might not be the best thing for you both. Keep some things private. Learn how to solve problems between you both and ask for advice as a last resort. Always letting people know your personal business is like letting them in your bedroom. When it comes to relationships, three is definitely a crowd. The longest lasting relationships are the ones people hardly hear about. Their long term relationship advice usually starts with maintaining privacy.
Establish relationship boundaries
Be sure to let him know when he crosses any boundaries. It's important to set the boundaries of the relationship early on. He has his personal space and you have yours and it's crucial for the strength of the human relationship to respect each other's boundaries. Privacy in the relationship boils down to how long you two have been together. Some guys will require more privacy than others so be sure to adjust to whatever the specific relationship calls for.
6. Romantic spark
How are you keeping romance alive?
People don't really fall out of love; sometimes they allow the spark to die too quickly. They are so used to the burning flame they panic when they realize that all that is left is just a flicker. Most people in relationships at this stage give up and literally throw cold water on their "glimmer of hope". Keep things interesting and fun. Just because you have both declared love for each other and has settled down doesn't mean you don't have to both put up a fight to keep the relationship going. Fan the fire as much as you can if you really want it to last. Faith Hill and Tim McGraw's 19 year marriage has been glowing still because of the level of support they have for each other, no time to allow flames to die out.
Love that grows stronger
The spark will never die out if the relationship has a solid foundation built on trust and respect. Love will then follow; and that love will only grow stronger as time goes on. Fights will become minor setbacks and eventually you will feel like you can overcome anything while together. Strong relationships are always the ones where the two have unique qualities that often complete each other.
7. Freedom
Are you giving your partner enough space?
Will smith has been married to Jada Pinkett Smith for over 17 years and has always advised that marriages should not be viewed as prisons. Some people takes the "become one" quote too literally. Each individual needs their space to grow no matter how much you are both committed and in love. Exploring individuality gives you a better person to bring back to the table; to bring back to the relationship.
What are the chances of my long term relationship working out?
The chances of your long term relationship or slim to none. But don't let that shoot you down; after all, the intimate spark that started your relationship was far from stable.
Most marriages end in divorce. So how do long term relationships survive in a group of people with odds against them? Sometimes they do; sometimes they don't. If celebrities are not able to survive a relationship in the long run, then how can real people? No matter how you look at the coin, the likeliness that your long term relationship will work out up to chance.
Faith is all it takes
The best advice for long term relationships is to have faith in knowing that you both want the same things. Knowing that you are both paddling in the same direction will make for smoother sailing. Still think you don't have what it takes?
