New Boyfriend: 7 Ways to Start over Without Appearing Needy | Slism
RSS 2.0 - Slism

New Boyfriend: 7 Ways to Start over Without Appearing Needy

A new boyfriend is more often than not a fresh start in many ways, though we might not see it at first. But if there's a way for us to help you not go all paranoid in those first weeks, we sure are going to try.

7 Ways to Start over with a New Boyfriend

Deciding on a fresh start, be it with a new job, new college year, or a new boyfriend, is often filled with lots of uncertainty. And uncertainty, regardless of the context, usually brings along a lot of stress for us. But is there a way to jumpstart some of it? Could we make less drama about it and learn to enjoy uncertainty of a new relationship to the fullest?
Next time you're getting ready for that big date, please try to clear your head and just let your natural charm and impeccable wit do their thing. Don't let excess hormones caused by stress ruin your perfect date. When it comes to new boyfriend advice, we are here to debunk every doubt you might have.

vintage couple

New Boyfriend

1. Grasp the idea on your own

What magazines often omit is the fact that we are not pro-relationships oriented at all times. Peer pressure maybe make us think different at times, but that doesn't necessarily mean we should give in. Let all the trauma of bad breakups and difficult periods pass before deciding to put yourself out like that.

2. Get yourself a date

If you've been out of the dating game for a while now, you probably won't skip this part. In order to help you get back on the horse, we comprised several useful tricks to get yourself a date.

3. Start out slow

If you come to the conclusion that you are ready to start a new chapter in your dating life, you must make sure to take the right steps. So no hurry, we got it!

4. Work around the idea

No need to rush into a relationship. Enjoy the fact that the things are still fresh and that you get to explore the forgotten joys of dating. One step at a time

5. Don't be needy

If you don't like needy guys, you must understand that guys think the same of needy girls. After all, it's only been a couple of dates. Constrain your excitement and keep your cool. We can help you with this.

6. Don't talk about the future

Future is for when you get a bit deeper into a relationship. While you're still not sure what you are and where you stand, there's no need to talk about more serious things.

7. Become familiar with people he cares about

"Strategy? Did I say strategy? No… Just casual hanging out, I don't want to snoop around at all!"

"When you spend months not going to the gym, you find it hard to start again, but starting out with a new boyfriend should no longer feel the same way"

A couple of years ago I found myself in the situation where I realized that everyone was trying to set me up with someone. At first I didn't realize why was that the case, but then someone somewhere mentioned that I'd been single for too long. Really?

1. Whatever happens make sure it is your idea

What all the advice givers lately seem to forget is that not everyone is ready for a relationship at all times. Not everyone wishes to be committed to someone at all times, nor should that be considered normal. If you feel that you're good on your own for the time being, don't forget that the choice is all yours and that's completely okay. Your concerned aunt might consider me crazy, but my statement is completely rational. If you've been in a long-term relationship, and we all know how consuming those first long-term relationships can be, it is completely normal that it takes you a bit more time to get over it. If after several months you still don't feel ready to move on, that's really not a big deal. And if you'd rather focus on your career, or on your education, and you think that a relationship is only going to slow you down, that's okay, too. That doesn't mean you'll necessarily end up a spinster. On the other hand, if you finally feel ready to put yourself back on the dating market, that completely changes the situation. It means that it's finally time to set up a date with your twitter crush, or finally accept the dinner invitation from your lab partner.

2. Get yourself out there

In order to successfully start off with a new boyfriend, you first need to find yourself a new boyfriend. And for that, you'll need a date. Unless you're lucky enough to have a couple of dinner invitations already hanging over your schedule, we suppose you want to come up with a sort of strategy. When we say "a sort of strategy", what we think is actually a couple of ideas on where to start hanging out more often to increase your chances of meeting someone you haven't met yet. Of course, if you already have a crush on someone, we completely encourage you to ask him out. Go ahead, make a first step! If you want some extra advice on how to do that, we can continue that discussion in the comments below.

3. Build up momentum

The process of "how to get a new boyfriend" is not all that straight-forward. Nevertheless, don't get yourself all worked up over your first date. If you think of your first date as a way for him to see you just as a pretty doll in a fancy surrounding, you should know that you're most likely going for a wrong impression. If you're looking for a relationship that's going to be based on trust, understanding, and genuine enjoying of each other's personalities, start building that foundation right from the start. Show him the assets that are not only a part of your physical appearance. Plan a date that includes some casual hanging out in the surrounding that both of you find pleasant and that will enable you to explore possible mutual interests and attitudes. If right from the start both of you feel comfortable, the amount of tension will drastically drop, which almost always promises a perfectly good date.

4. Work around it

Let's presume that your first date went well, and that you've already passed by second date and went through several good night kisses over the last several weeks. It's time for you to make sure you know where you stand. Now: The point made above doesn't refer only to first dates. This is something you should (and easily can) use in the beginning of every relationship. Slow but gradual getting to know each other helps you find out about important parts of his personality before you are in too deep, so to say. Just pick the pace that you feel comfortable with, and use first several weeks of dating the best way possible. Not only will this approach help you get used to idea of having a boyfriend, and help you "get back in the game", but it will also give you the chance to find out what is he looking for in a relationship, how comfortable do you feel around him, and is he actually what you imagined him to be.

An (un)important notice

Getting to know each other is not about talking. You don't want to bore each other to death in the first few weeks. Go out, have fun! If there's a cool band playing in your city, take him with you. If there's an interesting game or tournament happening, or even a fair, go together. It's not lame if both of you find the activity fun.

5. Whatever you do, don't be needy

As far as my experience with relationship problems goes, being too needy is always a problem. And I can tell this with certainty because it proved true in a number of relationship I was forced to listen about. And it's also true for some of my relationship. What is also worth mentioning is that it remains the problem regardless of the gender appearing needy. Clinging on to someone, simply doesn't do it. It seems to be especially repelling when you appear especially need at the sole beginning of the relationship. By trying to draw too much attention to yourself right from the start you are only increasing your chances of your new boyfriend drawing away.

6. Don't go there, the future

When it comes to new boyfriend advice, in a certain way, it all comes down to two things: The first one is that you don't bore each other entirely, and the second one is that you don't scare each other away. And one of the most prominent things you can say that could make him turn away is the premature talk about your future as a couple. And I mean, really, how much can you know about your future together if you've only been dating for a couple of weeks? The future related talk is for when you're established as a committed couple, when you both feel that things are starting to get serious.

7. Get familiar with his inner circle

Though we rarely agree to admit, a part of how we perceive other people is related to how people we care about perceive them. One way or another, we do care about what our closest friend think about our new date. That's why, the natural next step in your relationship is getting to know the important people in each other's lives. Maybe meeting parents seems like a step too serious at this point, but meeting his best friends certainly isn't. And why is this something we strongly recommend you to do? First, friends talk, and they talk even more about current events related to love life. Meaning, that if you leave a good first impression, they sure are going to share that with him. On the other hand, if he sees that you show interest for his friends, people he truly cares about, he will see that as a positive sign on your side. Plus, you'll get to meet some new people, and that's always a good idea (especially if you're indoorsy). And the most important part is that you'll get a better insight in what he is like. His friends can tell you a lot about him, and you'll get to see how he behaves around the people he's most comfortable with.

By the time you fit in with his friends, we are pretty sure that you can say that your new boyfriend adventure is off to a great start. And you can see for yourself that it wasn't so scary after all, right? On the other hand, if it didn't work out: Don't worry, it wasn't meant to be. Try again when you're ready!