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How to Control Your Emotions: Become Detached from Outcomes

Being under pressure at work or in a relationship can cause undesired emotions to come to the surface. Managing your emotional state is a skill you can learn, a skill that will improve the quality of your life style. With some pointers, you’ll get it in no time.

How to Get a Hold of Your Emotions

Every now and then, people get the undesired emotions come on the surface, affecting everyone around them. That can trigger lots of other negative emotions and reactions, if you don't learn how to control them. Controlling your emotions doesn't necessarily mean you should forbid yourself from thinking in a specific manner. There are many things you can do to control extreme mood swings. Managing your emotions is more about learning to see things as they are for real, without any emotions. When you manage to achieve that, then you will be able to pick the right emotion for the right situation. And the best place to learn is to visit your own past.

puppet woman

How to control your emotions

1. Select situation

Find out which situations put you in certain emotional states, try to recognize them as they appear and find the best possible solution for solving them.

2. Modify situation

Be aware of aspects that can trigger some of undesirable emotions you have. Modifying them bit by bit will get you the answer which one of them you need to balance out in order to be in control.

3. Shift focus

Getting your focus off of negative emotions and onto your own achievements will improve the state you're currently in.

4. Change thoughts

Thinking about something bad is only causing you to be more tense than usual, as well as thinking about something nice makes you happier. Changing the things you think about will help out.

5. Change response

Instead of being angry because of something that happened, try to analyze the situation and think about it for a while- why it happened or what you could do differently. Ironically, it will make you think about something other than how angry you are.

6. Control breathing

When we are overemotional, our breathing can often pick up very rapidly. In order to be unattached from the outcome of your conversation, pay attention to the signals your body gives you to calm down.

Find out How You Can Change the Way You Feel and Avoid Feeling Negative Emotions in the Future Events: 6 Tips and Tricks for Controlling Your Emotions

Becoming emotional detached and controlling our own emotions no matter what the outcome can sometimes be a tricky thing. Luckily, there are some things you can do in order to get a hold of them:

1. Find and select a certain situation

angry woman standing in hallway before open black door

When you first start to learn how to control your emotions, the most important thing about this step is to find exact situations where you got yourself immersed into unwanted emotions. Remember the day you were upset or angry, then remember the situation you were in at the moment. Replay everything in your head, like it's a movie you're watching. At one point, you will find the specific moment which lead to you feeling the way you did. That is the moment you need to remember good and make an example out of it, because it will be a lesson learned for all future situations, that are similar to this one. One step at the time, and soon you will see that by solving one such situation, one such problem, you've learned how to take control of your emotions in all similar situations.

2. Modify the outcome bit by bit

woman dancing in the street

Let's say that you really want to be a great dancer. Dancing is what you enjoy the most and you are really passionate about. However, you don't seem to be improving at all, no matter how hard you practice. Analyze what could have been the reason for your standstill. There are two choices in this situation -
1) you can get angry and be furious because you can't do it, think that you aren't good enough and simply give up, being disappointed in yourself; or
2) you can give your best at trying and then accept the outcome as it is, without getting angry.
Not everyone is for everything and vice versa. People tend to be inclined to perform some tasks better than others.
Some people are better at singing than at painting. Some people are better performers, but aren't as good at teaching. That's nothing to be ashamed of, nor it should be the reason to be down. Just give your best at what you like doing and be in peace with it. Realizing that not everything has to be perfect or the way you imagined is one of the big steps about controlling your emotions on a long run. And someday, maybe you even find something else you are even better at.

3. Shift your focus onto something pleasant

rear view mirror reflection of woman smiling in car

Shifting your focus is one of the best things you can do when you need to control your emotions. As it usually happens, you tend to look at yourself in the mirror and think about how great that other girl from your school or work looks, being really harsh on yourself and thinking you can never look as great as she does. And then, whenever she passes you by, you are being envious about it and you can't help it. What happens is that you are so focused on how great the other person looks, that you see only flaws when you look into the mirror. But, instead of doing this try and find something good about yourself each day. It doesn't have to be the looks, it can be anything you're proud of- from finally taking that dancing class over to being the best in your swimming class or even how great student you are at school. Learn to see the good things about yourself in the same way you see them when you look at other people.

4. Change negative thoughts into positive

happy woman wearing bandana

Thinking about bad situations, failures or how something is simply not working out the way you want it to is something like calling the rain when you don't want it. It will eventually happen and you will hate it. For example, if you are going out on a date with your partner, and you keep thinking that he is going to say you look fat in that dress, at some point, your behavior will unconsciously be at that level, telling him you think you look fat. And he might not say it, but he surely will think it. When managing your emotions, you need to think about good things, and not the bad ones. And instead of thinking about how fat you may look in the dress, part of learning how to control your emotions in a relationship indicates that you should think about how great your legs look in that same dress, or how amazing your new lipstick is, and you will instantly feel better.

5. Change the way you see situations and ways you react

crowd of people feet

Not everything is under your control, that is true. But, not everything is out of your hands, either. One of the biggest achievements on how to control your emotion is to learn to learn how to analyze each of them, and then generalize them as well as their solution. Let's say that you are late for school and on your way, you see a bunch of other people. From your point of view, they are walking really slowly, like they are deliberately trying to slow you down even more, so you can be even more late, which, of course, makes you angry. But, take a second to analyze this situation: people actually don't have a clue what goes on in your life. There is no need to be angry at them for something that happens to you. Analyze a few steps back, and soon you will realize that the only thing to do, in order to avoid the whole situation, is to leave house a bit earlier. It's as simple as that. Once you start looking all situations this way, you will understand that there is no need to be upset or angry. The solution can be as simple as possible and right in front of your eyes.

6. Learn how to control your breathing

woman breathing fresh air outdoors

Very often, when people are under a lot of stress, or they simply feel overwhelmed, they tend to take more frequent shorter breaths. That kind of breathing increases your heart rate and soon, you find yourself in a situation where you start to panic- and for what? Actually, for no other reason than not knowing how to breathe. When managing emotions under pressure taking deep breaths is the best and quickest way to calm yourself down. Breathing deep in and deep out is getting enough oxygen into your body, which then decreases your heart rate, and produces similar state like when you're sleeping and keeps you in a relaxed state. So, the next time, when you feel agitated or annoyed, first take a few deep breaths before doing anything else and you will see just how quick you will be calmed. Also, focusing on the way you're breathing will make you think about a neutral thought and make your stress level a bit lower as well.

Learning how to control your emotions is not an easy task, which can be achieved over night. It takes time and patience to recognize all the situations you need to work on, ways you can improve your current way of reacting and to make new reactions spontaneous. In the end, if you have will to work on yourself, you can achieve anything.

By Abie Giles

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