Are you ready to start living together?
Deciding to live together is a taking a big step in the relationship. Although it may seem like you are already moved in, you would be surprised how much different sharing a living space twenty-four-seven with someone you are seeing actually is: too close for some couples.
What may be a surprising turn off for some guys may be completely welcome for others. Before you decide to get serious with each other, consider the pros and cons of living together before doing anything drastic.
Things all couples learn after moving in together
1. Living together means making compromises
2. Living together means acknowledging gender difference
3. Living together means sacrificing part of your privacy
4. Living together means proper division of space
5. Living together means making the choice to live together
Do the Benefits Outweigh the Risks of Living Together with Him? In Order to Have a Successful Relationship, You Must Consider Potential Drawbacks of Moving in With Him
How does shacking up together affect the relationship? Let's learn from the past experiences of those who have had bad and good experiences with living together.
1. No relationship living together is without compromise
Life can be an experiment of trial and error when living together. Small problems can turn into big problems over time when you are together with the same partner all the time.
Living together won't magically solve all your problems in the relationship. In fact, it may magnify them to the point where you notice them every day. Understand that, when living with a man, you won't have everything your way and life will sometimes be a struggle of compromise. It is like being unofficially married and some people can't handle that.
On the bright side, the fact that living together brings problems to light can actually be a good thing. If you can endure the storm of cohabitation, then you may potentially have yourself a keeper. It depends at what point you are in your relationship and the maturity level of the couple. If neither of you is ready, it will become glaringly obvious within the first few months to a year of living with each other.
2. Gender differences
Guys and girls are different, so can they really co-exist? The truth is more complex than it sounds and many couples may not be mature enough to live along the opposite gender.
Let's face it, the reason why most relationships don't work out is that men and woman are pretty much different species. The differences genders hold come to focus when they have to see each other too often. For some, once a week is necessary and for some once a day. But, if you live together, you see a side of your boyfriend that might not live up to the image you had of him previously. Same goes for the way he sees you, too.
Our differences set us apart
The differences between you two won't be completely obvious until you two move in together. Then the possibility for all-out war is possible at any time. The reason why so few couples make things work while living together rights lie in the fact that men and women have trouble cohabitating with the same rules. Since we are different, we require different rules from men in order to live under the same roof. Even though it can be troublesome, that doesn't mean that it's impossible to live with your boyfriend. It just means that both of you will be required to have patience with each other. If either of you is the type to overreact very easily, then that puts a lot of pressure on the other person. Especially when you are forced to see each other much throughout the day. Having a boyfriend and living with a boyfriend are two completely different experiences. I would recommend experiencing each just to understand what it's like. But just lower your expectations from a cohabitation relationship and you should be fine.
3. Redefine the scope of privacy
Before living together privacy meant being alone with no one around — not any more.
Prepare to deal with privacy problems in your relationship when you share the same confines. It can get very old very quickly if you aren't used to sharing your place with a guy.
The advantage of always having him around is, of course, that there is someone to take care of you when you are sick and lonely. The positives of living together are more apparent with happy couples, who only see the good aspects of each other. If you have any negative feelings, always having him around could be more of a crutch than a blessing. If you enjoy spending time with each other and the relationship has been going strong for a lot longer than expected, then sure, go for it. By living together you are taking the leap of faith that he will still find you attractive after seeing you so often.
Tired of seeing him all the time? There's likely nothing you can do about it while living with him. After making the choice to sack up with him, you two will have to see a lot more of each other. Oftentimes it will seem like too much. You will want to take occasional breaks from seeing him, but there's nowhere to run to. Your home is now his home and it's unlikely that he will leave just to give you space when you need it. Especially if you two live in an apartment, you need to get used to the fact that being exposed to one person for long periods throughout the day will just be a regular thing.
How well do you know him?
Just be aware that you may have to sacrifice some of your privacy and personal space for the benefit of the relationship. Couples living together must take sacrifice for one another. Which is why you should truly know him before deciding to move in with him. Otherwise you risk ruining what you two have. If you live together with a guy you don't know fully yet, you could also be putting yourself at risk for domestic abuse. It's more likely for there to be arguments when you haven't gotten to know each other well enough yet.
4. Make the division of space clear but whatever you do, don't overdo it
Set the ground rules keeping in mind that all borders are negotiable.
Sometimes the division of food and belongings is necessary in order to respect each other's space in the relationship. It can also benefit you by reducing costs on the long run.
If you are sharing the space, it's not your place to do whatever you want. You are splitting rules and responsibilities among each other. Having to share things with each other isn't so bad for the first couple of months. But if you aren't patient then you can overreact a lot of the daily parts of living with a man.
Having a divided refrigerator and entertainment to get some alone time is important, but there has to be a fine balance. If you both are too divided, then you might start to regret moving in with him. You need a certain amount of division to have your personal space, but not too much so you won't block him from your life.
Costs associated with living together
A big plus in this new living arrangement is that both of you or at least one of you will be saving money. Make sure to split costs equally so he doesn't feel cheated. Food and drink might become a bit complicated unless you both offer to cook for each other sometimes. The costs associated with living together are a lot smaller than living apart, which is a great advantage of this arrangement.
5. What living together boils down to: knowing you made the right choice
Are you prepared to live with the decision to live together? Living together is not for all couples and before you decide to make your relationship one of serious cohabitation, make sure you can visualize what it would be like living with him.
The bottom line in any relationship is that the couple must respect each other's space and share responsibility. Moving in together doesn't necessarily have to be a daunting thought. But you are sharing each other's space, so you should be sure beforehand that you see a future with this guy. When first living with a guy, you don't want to be too eager to force your presence on him. You don't want to reveal everything about yourself to him at once. You want the relationship to slowly unravel, with the prospect of living together as a nice bonus later on.
Every situation is different
Don't be in any rush to make your decisions. Just because your friends told you it would be a good idea doesn't necessarily mean that it would work for your relationship. Circumstances are different in every relationship, which is the reason why you should take everyone else's opinion for a grain of salt. It may so happen that your boyfriend is very patient and understanding, and so the prospect of living together relationship doesn't seem so daunting. Just understand that people change in different environments, and there is no way for sure to tell what you are getting yourself into. All we can do sometimes is take the leap of faith and hope for the best. If your relationship can withstand cohabitation rights then perhaps you two can make it through anything.
Not ready yet to start living together?
You cannot be united unless you fully trust your boyfriend. Living with a significant other is different from living with a person of the opposite sex of whom you are not seeing. Since you are forced to see each other every day, your trust issues may come to light when you don't see him at times you expect to. The same mental mind games played in many relationships will be happening all day every day while living with each other.
How Soon is Too Soon?
If there are any doubts in your mind about the relationship at all, then it's too soon. If you question his loyalty, commitment, or honesty then living together will be a disaster. Those trust issues only become larger the more time you spend with him. Seeing him every day will surely make you rethink your relationship if you two don't trust each other.
Get serious without living together
They say that a relationship isn't truly serious until a couple moves in. But there are many ways to make a relationship serious without something as major as living with your boyfriend. Just think about all the things that could go wrong. It may seem like a dream idea at first, but unless you've lived with a guy before, you don't truly understand the dynamic. Living with your brother doesn't count.