How to care
The majority of people think of something bad when it comes to conflicts between partners, but the truth is that this could be a good thing. Conflict resolution can give the partners an opportunity to grow and to understand each other better.
Ways to be caring
1. Never raise voice
2. Make it obvious you care
3. Avoid the right vs. wrong scenario
4. Stay away from generalization
5. Apologize
6. Think objectively
7. No name calling
8. Control negative emotion
Caring: Options for Handling a Misunderstanding between Couples to Make Sure that You Will Both Be Happy With the Solution You Find
So, what is it that you can do to solve a misunderstanding between couples? Here is a list of approaches you might want to try:
1. There is no need for yelling
When it comes to conflict resolution strategies, a lot of people might think that they can impose their point of view if they start talking louder than the other. This isn't a solution; it will only add emotional baggage to the conflict that will cloud your image of what truly happened. In case you partner raises their voice, it is important that you don't or they will feel the need to yell even louder.
You both present different points of view, but remember that you may not necessarily be right. Yelling will never solve the problem; you can't force your point of view upon your partner.
Speaking softly
Contrarily, speaking softly is sufficient to get your point across in most cases. In fact, if you can perfect the art of speaking softly, it can actually have be more effective than shouting at people for them to listen. By speaking softly, your friends and family have to listen closely in order to hear what you have to say. If what you have to say usually holds value and adds a contribution to the discussion, this always works. You just have to get into the habit of speaking softly and people will be eagerly waiting for your contribution. It doesn't quite work with strangers you don't know well, because people have a tendency to want to show off in public and try to talk over each other. But that doesn't matter anyways, practice the conflict resolution methods of speaking softly and more people will start to respect your opinions more.
2. You care about him
Before you even begin an argument, you have to ask yourself: do I care about him? By reinforcing the fact that you do care, your whole approach will change. However, if you ask yourself "should I care?" the whole argument might be pointless because you are emotionally detached. If you do care, you should start the conversation by telling them this and end it the same way.
This will reassure him that you're not saying the things you say to hurt him but to make your relationship better and stronger. In the end he will appreciate what you're trying to do.
If you truly care about him, then you will find ways to adjust to his faults and vice versa. Successful relationships are often about compromise. How far are a pair willing to sacrifice their values for the other and unite together in one effort for coexistence? The choice is often simple in theory, but a lot harder to execute in real life with so many obstacles coming into our paths.
3. Are you really right?
In the majority of the cases, when having an argument, people start from the idea that they are right. However, when thinking about relationship conflict resolution, you have to be open to the idea that you may not necessarily be right. Remember that people don't get upset for no reason, so if your boyfriend is mad about something, he might be right. Don't dismiss what he has to say; hear him out, think about it, and then decide what your standing point is.
There should never be any right vs. wrong scenario. In all of those situations trying to navigate through conflicts resolution, it's lose-lose for both you and your boyfriend. Naturally your boyfriend wants to be right about something, and so do you. But what does being right accomplish? Yes, maybe he sees your point of view, but at the expense of respect for the argument that took place over it. It's far easier and safer to stay out of the argument, state your opinion, and leave it at that. If he wants to press you further, refuse to play that game. It always leads into an argument and each one of those arguments slowly erodes the relationship further. Pride is the poison that pollutes relationships, but if you decide to cast your ego aside then there will be no more arguments. Practice not caring who's right and wrong, because in the end it doesn't really matter anyways.
4. Don't generalize his behavior
In case you have a problem with your partner, you should know that a couple misunderstanding could come from the fact that you generalize. If you are referring to a specific problem or behavior, you should stick to concrete examples and instances. Try to avoid formulations like "you always", "you never", and so on.
These only create confusion. Let the other person know that you don't have a problem with them personally, but with the thing he did in a specific setting. This way you can solve boyfriend arguments without hurting the other person's feelings and you can also reassure him that you still like him.
5. You have to be able to apologize
In many cases when someone has an argument with boyfriend they expect the other person to apologize to solve the problem. As vindicating as this might be, you should know that waiting for the other person to apologize only proves that you care more about being right than actually solving the problem.
The best thing you could do is to apologize first. This will show your partner that you are serious about solving your problems and you don't want to be a part of the problem. If you do so, he will follow your lead and he will apologize too.
Somebody needs to apologize in order to resolve conflict. If he's never the one to be the first to step up, then call him out. Because it's not a good sign in the relationship if two people can't talk about their problems honestly. Tell him he needs to take some of the responsibility for the small arguments you have.
6. There is no right or wrong
If you are interested in conflict resolution activities, you should focus on what is right instead of who is right. You can do so by removing yourself from the situation and thinking about it as if it happened to someone else. This way you will be able to judge the situation itself objectively.
In the end it doesn't matter who is right; the important thing is for you two to work things out. One of the relationship mistakes that people make is that they obsess about who is right and who is wrong. It is possible that none of you are right or both are right, in a way.
7. Name-calling is forbidden
Calling each other names won't help with the problem but it will cause even more conflicts. In case you are wondering how to care, you should start by eliminating all situations when you are tempted to call him names. This will only belittle him and hurt him. If he's childish, he will call you names too, which will upset you and you won't get anywhere. This is a bad approach that will only cause you pain. Instead try to be honest but respectful with your partner.
Name-calling is for little kids and has no place in a relationship between two young adults after high school. There has to be a point in your life where you decide it's time to grow out of name-calling. If your boyfriend resorts to name-calling, it means he hasn't fully matured past his teenage years and the relationship could be in trouble in the future.
8. Let it go
In the majority of the cases women don't have to think about how to care for boyfriend because it comes naturally to them. It may also come naturally to hold a grudge against your partner. No matter how satisfying you might think it is, it won't lead you to a solution. If you manage to work things out and talk things through, you will have to be able to let it go.
Don't bring up the same things the next time you have a fight. Even if you might be tempted to do so, try to control yourself and think about how good it feels when you finally solve a problem. In the end, nothing in life is worth getting angry over except the fact that life is so short. So just enjoy your time with your boyfriend instead of getting caught up in conflict.
How to master caring behaviors
You don't just matter caring behaviors in one day; it'll take some practice.
Most people don't have to think about how to be caring because it comes naturally to them. It will come naturally to you too if you only let it, but this is something you will have to practice.
Conflict resolution and caring
Conflict isn't something you should actively try to avoid. Just imagine how boring it would be if you always agreed. Solving your conflicts can be a great new adventure for the both of you if handled in the righter way, i.e. caring.
