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Good Friends Are Hard to Find: 9 Qualities to Complete True Friendship

If you are looking for a way to be sure that you have found a true friend, look no further. We have compiled a list of eight important signs that you should look for to recognize a good and real friendship.

Good friends are hard to find

Having a good and true friend is one of the most important things in life. Humans are social beings, and no person can ever feel completely satisfied if they don't have at least one friend in their life they can share experiences with. That is why it is important to know how to recognize when you have struck gold.

Two girls in summer dresses.

Friendship qualities of a good friend that are hard to find

1. Share common interests

2. Mutual life views

3. Hidden secrets

4. Through thick and thin

5. Trustworthy

6. Honest and direct

7. Share laughs

8. Appreciate silence

9. Listens to you

How To Recognize When You Struck Gold: Telltale Signs That You Have Found Honest And True Friendship

So, you were looking for a friend, you found one, and now you wonder if this person is exactly the kind of friend you were hoping for. Well, without further ado, here are some of the most basic, common sense guidelines you have probably been aware of intuitively, put into words for your review and consideration:

1. Mutual topics

You know that someone suits you if you always have something to talk about. If you find yourself having long conversations with someone, freely switching topics and generally having fun, it means that you have a number of mutual interests and will most probably get along swell.

Inside jokes

Time spent with true friends is never forced conversation. Things flow naturally when you're around them. You can make jokes with her that you have no reservations about saying no matter how crude or inappropriate they are. Things that would offend your regular friends, finding good friends would understand. True friends don't judge you for the things you say, as they understand you on a deeper level. Oftentimes the "inside jokes" are reserved for people that are closest to you.

2. Life views

While making friends, people tend to talk about all sorts of things. If you listen carefully, you will get a good idea about their priorities, their sets of values, and life goals. Of course, no two people can have exactly the same ideas about these things, but if you find yourself nodding in agreement and thinking "yeah, me too" a lot of the time, it means that there is significant overlapping.

Guards are down

True friends share things with each other that are too personal for other people's ears. Your life views are something you rarely talk about. But with your best friend, the topics that would be boring for other people to listen to, your friend listens to intently. If only life were this easy with everyone you met. It would be better for us to discuss our life views with more people, but it just doesn't work that way. People are too guarded about their personal beliefs around strangers.

3. Secrets

We all know that feeling when we are just dying to share a special secret with someone, but we don't because we don't feel like it would be safe to tell it. Keeping secrets is a very important part of any friendship, as it builds trust and strengthens the bond between people. Of course, this doesn't just happen overnight. As the friendship evolves, so does trust; until eventually we start off by sharing little secrets, then bigger ones, and with time, we will probably end up calling a friend and telling them we did something we're not proud of.

Trustworthy friend

If you can't tell your best friend your secrets, who can you tell? Holding in secrets to yourself is the most excruciating feeling ever. You need at least one person to tell. Hopefully that person is someone you can trust to keep it a secret. Because they wouldn't be secrets if everyone knew about them. You can't just tell your secrets to any random person, because you don't know who they know. Depending on the type of city you live, everyone could know your secrets quicker than you thought from telling one untrustworthy friend.

4. Friends are always there for you

two friends

As the quintessential friendship quote about true friends goes, your friends are there for you always.

"True friends are always together in spirit." - L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

When faced with a problem, people often find it easier to turn to their friends then to their family, especially in young adulthood and teen years. Having a friend you can call in the middle of the night is one of the best and most comforting aspects of friendship, like dialing 911 in an emergency. And if your friend really cares about you, they will be glad to pick up the phone, regardless of your reasons for calling them. They will listen as patiently about your stupid fight with your sibling, or emotional trouble, as they will to your panicked call saying that someone you hold dear is now gone. Because that's what friends do.

Test of friendship

The test of a true friendship is how she responds in your time of need. Is she there or is she not? It's a simple way to filter out those people who don't consider you their best friends. You may consider someone that you need a good friend but they might not feel the same way. That's why it's a good idea to have some tests ready to see if a friend can help you in a time of need. Those friends that respond positively, you can work to make that friendship grow. And the ones that don't, you can slowly let that friendship fade away.

5. They tell you the truth

Sometimes when you meet new people, you will find that they tend to agree with you just so they can agree with you, and not because they actually think you are right about something. Real friends don't really do that. They will listen to you, they will try to understand you, but at the end of the day they will reflect on it and tell you what they honestly think about it. Like some sort of a human mirror, that helps us share and understand certain experiences from other people's perspective. It is a great way to sort out your own thoughts, and get rid of stress and tension.

No time for politeness

Honesty is the best policy; especially among friends. A true friend will tell you that you have spinach stuck in your teeth rather than keeping it to themselves out of politeness. True friends aren't polite, they are forthcoming. You should come to know what to expect from your friends.

6. Support and constructive criticism.

We venture into all sorts of things, make a lot of attempts and a ton of positive and negative things happen to us on a regular basis. It is very important to have someone who is supportive of your life efforts, no matter the outcome. Another reason that good friends are hard to come by, is that they should offer constructive criticism, and not all people are good at that. It means not overly praising everything you do, but not bashing your every move either. It means objectively looking at a situation or action, assessing the good and bad parts, and telling you about both, along with advice on what you can improve, and comments on what was done well. In a new friendship, people often hesitate to point out the bad parts, so they unwittingly give you a distorted image of certain things, but if a friendship is true, these things will grow and evolve with time.

7. Friends make you laugh at yourself

laughing friends

Sharing a sense of humor can be one of the most powerful things to influence any interpersonal relationship you may stumble into. It shows that you are around the same page when it comes to outlook on life, or at least parts of it. Spending time with a person and making each other laugh is a sure sign of a good friendship. However, having someone who can make you laugh at yourself is a sign of a great friendship.

Freedom to be offensive

A true friendship can laugh at each other because they are secure enough with their friendship to not worry about saying something offensive. Close friendships are all about being politically incorrect and offensive. But if the friendship is strong, words don't really matter. You know when you be a good friend when they never question your ideas, but rather agree and add on. This is how people grow as individuals; through peer influence and the exchange of common ideas.

8. Silence is golden

still fan
Entertainment without noise

And finally, one of the telltale signs of a great friendship is just being able to hang out with someone, doing almost nothing. You can just sit together and let the world around you be your entertainment. Not even talking. If you have a friend with whom you can just stay quiet, but not feel like it's an awkward sort of silence, you found yourself a keeper.

9. Listening

two people sitting on bench outdoors
Quality all friends don't have in common

The best kinds of friends you can have are those that have a sixth sense for knowing just when to lend an ear for a couple minutes without interruption listening to you talk. A good friend is one who has the skill of listening and is not afraid to use it.

How do you tell whether someone is a good friend?

Even though it is quite tricky to tell whether or not someone is a good friend or if they will make a good one in time, there are still some basic guidelines you can follow to help you figure it out.

Why good friends are hard to find

Good friends are real; that's why.
At the end of the day, it is important how you feel when you are around your friends. If they lift your mood, if they are good wing-person, if you can talk or chat for hours without getting bored or running out of things to say, and if you feel like there is a genuine connection and mutual understanding between you — Don't ever let them go.

By Abie Giles

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