Getting over a breakup
Are you going through a break up? The sad truth of any failed relationship is that getting over a breakup isn't easy; but that doesn't mean it's impossible to painlessly get over a break up, right? If you are going through what I think you are going through, then I know that all you want to do right now is crawl back into your emotional sleeping bag and stay there. Now, are you ready to move on?
Give yourself time to get over a breakup: philosophy behind surviving all the troubles getting through a break up
In order to go through the entire process of coping with a break up, we first have to make a sort of a breakthrough. The thing is-it's not always enough just to say that it's over. It takes a lot more to start the process.
Here is how to get over a breakup fast.
Leave no trace left behind you
After a messy breakup, the last thing you want is to be reminded of him in any way, shape or form. Remove any trace from social media, your phone, physical pictures and other mementos. Because once the possibility lingers of a possible make up after getting through a break up, you are setting yourself up for disaster in most cases. He is an ex for a reason; don't shed any light for him to come back in your life. Because they always manage to find ways to etch their memory in your mind. It's enough to drive a girl mad with fear. But over time you will get over him, and you will be a stronger person over it.
Real breakups hurt
Many would say that the adult thing to do would be to maintain ties and be civil towards each other; as that could form a lasting friendship. But rarely those cases do you ever hear of. Most breakups are painful, and almost always the attempts at getting back together are even more painful. You keep digging yourself into a hole that you can't get yourself out of. That is what bad relationships are all about. It's clear that this guy is not right for you, yet you try so hard to make it work. This is time that you could be spending toward finding a better guy who makes you feel positive. But instead we waste so much time on others that don't put nearly as much effort into the relationship. It's normal to love, but it's not normal or healthy to be obsessive over one guy seeing as how the world is filled with many more.
Consider your failed relationship a valuable learning experience
Think of your failed relationships as learning experiences for future breakup help. None of them were a waste of time, however it is a waste of time by lingering to the hope that you will win back one of your exes. This is not allowing you ample time to recover emotionally and you are halting your personal growth by doing so. By not getting over your ex, you are passing on potential opportunities with other guys that you could be missing. Love has a way of blinding us to life's other possibilities. Your career, social life, and personal life are all affected by the inability to move on from past relationships. This is why it's sometimes necessary to cut the cord and burn that bridge before it's too late. You are looking to salvage what's left of your past and become a better person for the future. You will find better guys if you are patient and give yourself time to heal emotionally.
2. Acknowledging the reality
For unpleasant situations, like just breaking up with someone you thought you were happily stuck with, your brain has a defense mechanism protecting you from being hurt that places a mental door keeping unpleasant feelings away from your vulnerable self. But eventually the door opens shedding light on the reality that it's time to move on.
After a couple of days, all of those messed up feelings bottled up inside you take over, sending you into the crash, part of the healing process for getting over a breakup. Here you will come to realize that the relationship is over before deciding to do anything else.
If we just try to act like nothing has happened, we are not solving anything; we are just postponing something we have to deal with eventually.
Acknowledging the reality is the first thing you need to do to get over a break up after understanding the importance of burning the bridge going backwards toward the relationship that just ran its course leading to your eventual breakup. Only when we face our feelings, acknowledge their presence, and give ourselves enough time to deal and analyze them can we healthy get over a breakup.
People in general try to avoid emotional crashing and having to wake up and smell the roses, acknowledging reality, for the simple reason of it not being very pleasant. But what they do not realize is that they are only making things harder for them. Eventually, the emotions that were pushed away are going to come back and slap them in the face when they least expect it.
3. Let it out
Of course, we can face everything on our own. We are social animals; we need support from our friends, siblings, parents even. When intense emotions, anger, and a load of questions related to Why's and How's overflow you, you need to share them with someone.
Depending on the kind of person you are, there are two ways you can do that (or you can even combine them, depending on how you feel):
Keep a journal
Write down whatever bugs you and whatever you feel like writing. Just let your train of thoughts flow and note it in a simple notebook, or a Word document. You will be surprised with how much of it is hidden behind your anger for being dumped. This method of coping with a breakup is helpful for various reasons.
At first, you will feel relieved for letting it all come out without having to share uncomfortable details with others (some of us don't feel comfortable enough to say everything, and that is completely normal and understandable). Later, you'll be able to have a look at the way your feelings and opinions have changed through time. Once you distance yourself from the entire situation and are able to look at everything that had happened from a different point of view, a journal is a great thing to have next to you.
If, on the other hand, you have a person of whom you can trust next to you, try sharing some of your troubles with him or her. It's good and healthy to have someone who would listen to you and offer a different point of view that would help you get over a breakup. Also, it would help you feel more self-confident and loved. And that's a nice thing on its own, isn't it?
4. Don't rush it
If you happened to be in a relationship that lasted a longer while and was based on emotions, or at least triggered some of them, getting over a breakup probably won't be a quick thing to do. Forgetting that you care about someone is not something that simply happens out of nowhere. You can't just wake up one morning and say: "No more love in here." Well, you can, but that doesn't mean it would help, trust us.
Rushing of the entire process can only can only bring you to the utter disappointment when, at one point, you realize that it's simply not working. We can't throw away the unpleasant part, we have to deal with it and analyze it; realize what has happened and then stroll along the dating path.
We don't say that you should wait an eternity waiting for things to become clear. After all, waiting that long is for from practical. Some people can spent months, or even a year pondering on what could have happened, some settle everything in matters of weeks. It all depends on how long and how strong your relationship was; how difficult and complicated was your breakup; are the circumstances such that the two of you constantly see each other; is he still bothering you after the breakup; and so on. There are many things involved in the equation called ‘Surviving a Breakup', so do not bother rushing into anything; take your time and work on yourself.
5. Find a rhythm that works for you
Once you've decided that you are not going anywhere until you settle the troubles of surviving a breakup on your own, it's time to coping with a breakup. Believe it or not, to get your clear mind back on the track what you need is: routine.
Finding a schedule that helps you balance your school, work, social life, hobbies, and workout can really make it all a lot more bearable. Organize everything in a way that it's fine with your rhythm, and don't stack it with a bunch of obligations. Hiding yourself behind a bunch of projects will do no help. It can make your resume quite exquisite, but it won't help you find your peace and get over a breakup for good. So pay attention to that.
Once you find a routine that fits you: stick to it. And don't be afraid that you'll be bored to death. Having routine will make you feel better as long as you need it.
Setting a goal that you have to finish a number of tasks by a certain period of time will keep you going and give you motivation to move on. Think of it as a daily reminder that says: "Get up and take your pretty face out in the open."
Routine will give you sense of security and stability in your daily life, and it will prevent you from further sitting locked in your room with a bucket of ice-cream. It will help you realize that you can actually move on, and how good feeling that it is, along with the feeling of how good it is to be back on the track. You will become more productive, more responsible, you will bring your sleep pattern back to normal (for some reason, our sleep pattern usually goes nuts when our heart gets broken): so, basically, routine could be good for you; you might even lose a pound.
When it comes to this, it seems that you can actually thank your ex for your perfect figure one day! Imagine that pleasure! And the look on his face… Priceless, right? No more motivation needed. However, our reason for mentioning workout here, while talking about surviving a breakup, is somewhat different. It might not be that much fun, but it is healthier in every way. Working out can help you a lot in releasing negative energy built up during and after your breakup. It can exhaust you physically, but it can also help you think straight. It is well known that regular workout can help you improve your attention span, motivation, mental focus, and memory. Don't mention the physical impact, healthier posture and overall state, but also the improved confidence when we look ourselves in the mirror and see how great the outcome of it reflects before our eyes. And we are able to do that while merely working on getting read of our negative energy. Choose whatever works for you: jogging, power walking, Pilates, Zumba, aerobic, swimming... Whatever you feel like doing is fine here. If you are out of ideas maybe we can do something more (a list of workouts to do at home) to inspire you. The important thing is that you find something you enjoy: because what makes you happy makes the process of surviving a breakup successful.
7. Cut yourself some slack and enjoy your newborn freedom
Let's be honest: if the two of you were meant to be together, or if there was any chance you could last longer or make it better, you wouldn't be where you are now. What we mean to say is: this is as bad as it gets, there's nothing you can do to make it worse; then, why not make it better?
You are young, you have your charms, you work on yourself: enjoy it. Realize that you don't always need a guy to make a picture better; you can actually have fun with no boys in the picture. The fact that you are single should be just one more reason to go easy on yourself and spoil yourself for change.
Is there anything you wanted to do, or any place you wanted to visit while the two of you were together but you couldn't because of him? So … Now, when he is not around, what is actually stopping you? That's right, you yourself. So let's celebrate… Some freshly squeezed juice and start planning your next adventure! If for now you don't feel especially comfortable with doing something bigger, start with small things. You haven't eaten lasagna in two years because of him and you didn't want to ruin the image he had of you? Well, we guess that it's time to have a healthy helping of lasagna.
If he has never let you choose which movie you are going to see, pick the first thing you find interesting and go see a movie.
And if you don't feel like any of it, and you just wish to relax, visit spa, arrange an entire day with your girlfriends, and make surviving a breakup process the best thing that has ever happened to you; Because, why not?
Happily never after
If you ever find yourself wondering if your relationship could be any better if you had been this way, or if you had said things differently, or if you hadn't done so and so, do yourself a favor and stop doing that to yourself. A wise woman once said that if the two were meant to be together, they would find a way to stay together. Think about it this way: he wouldn't have been your ex, if there hadn't been a reason for that. Don't torture yourself with what could have happened. It's pointless at this point, and surely isn't a way of coping with a breakup.
It is not easy to go through it all, there a dozen of things that can seem as a sabotage to you; it even takes a lot of time to stop being used to him not texting you, let alone everything else. But it most certainly is something you can accomplish; we can assure you of that. And once you realize that you are over him, and ready to move on, the feeling is amazing.
You can finally do the things that you've always wanted to but couldn't while with a partner that always restricted your freedom. Sometimes a guy can actually weigh us down if we let him. Which is why it's always important to place yourself above any boyfriend by following these breakup tips. That independence and confidence will start to show itself and you will start to attract better men into your life.