Figure out if you are dating a narcissist?
Are you having the time of your life, or is this a farce; because you might be dating a narcissist?
It all started a long, long time ago, when the great Greek gods loved toying with the feelings and lives of people and all the other creatures lower than themselves. One lovely creature that suffered greatly due to the harsh will of her gods, was a wood nymph named Echo. Once immensely chatty and unable to hold her tongue, she was later destined to only have the ability to repeat what was spoken to her. She was also very much in love with Narcissus, an incredibly beautiful young man. Even Narcissus himself was amazed with how beautiful he was, and he thought his beauty to be unmatchable. That's why, once his eye caught the reflection of his face in a water pool, he stared at it for days while helplessly trying to catch it with his hands. Desperate, he died next to this pool, and Echo soon after followed him, unable to cope with him not being around.
That is how today we have a term called narcissism, a term which can also be closely related to a condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and in some cases even with Borderline personality Disorder (BPD), but that is not very often a case. The common signs of NPD are arrogant behavior, lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. NPD can cause serious problems for the person dealing with it and also for the people in his surroundings. Usually, what we most likely have to deal with is just a slight (or not so slight) narcissism. But the question is, how can you know that you are dating a narcissist? Here we can give you a few red flags in dating a narcissist.
3 Red Flags to Help You Solve a Mystery on Whether He Is Everything You Ever Wanted in a Man or Is It Only a Narcissist That You Are Dating
1. He is way-way too good to be true
"My fair lady, I am here to swoop you off your feet"
Well, he most certainly (I hope) won't say anything like that, but narcissist tend to be excessively charming and way too much self-confident at the same time. If you ever hear him utter anything that screams with those two characteristics, be sure that you are dating a narcissist. You don't think that is a bad idea? Think again. If he wants to swoop you off your feet, he is not doing that so he could enjoy the pleasure of your company and having you by his side for better and for worse, he is doing that so he could prove once again that he is the best, the most gorgeous, the most charming, and the most masculine guy in the world. And at the beginning, it may actually seem so, but it is not always the case. It probably won't be long before you find out he's not as charming as he used to be. He starts being neglectful towards you, and that sure as hell is a red flag in dating, as we have mentioned before. Once he is sure that he has 100% of your attention, you are no longer a challenge for him, you are just another example of how great he is, and he feels free to move on and find another person to charm.
2. He spends too much time trying to perfect himself
Stronger than Hercules, smarter than Tesla, faster than Bolt
Of course he is better at doing that, and quicker in doing this. He was the fastest in his class and the smartest in the science club, he discovered the cure for cancer during his lab test, but the government doesn't want to make that public
The narcissist likes turning his anecdotes into myths and legends, but never vice versa. He is always ready to talk about his apparently numberless talents, sharing with you the stories in which, according to him, he was the ultimate moral/physical winner. In his stories there he is always the main protagonist, and it can never be the other way round.
The trouble with it is that, sometimes he can make people believe him, sometimes not; but after some time, he starts truly those stories himself. And once his starts living in his own imaginary world where he is the Ultimate Great Guy, it is almost impossible to convince him that he's not right. Any such attempt will probably end in hours of endless fighting. If this is how your guy behaves, it is the reddest of all the red flags that you are dating a narcissist, so make sure to run as fast as you can.
3. He worries a lot that he is not good enough in your eyes
Don't you think I'm good enough?
Have you ever thought about asking him this or any similar question? If you have, there's another red flag for you, because you're most likely dating a narcissist. This red flag is closely related to the previous one.
Not only is he the best one there is and the embodiment of what Nietzsche was talking about, but there is also very well aware that no one else is as nearly as good as he is. For that reason, he makes arrogant comments while looking down on the rest of you, regular mortals.
He is not the boyfriend who will try to make friends with the people you hang out with, but he will most likely criticize them in front of you in order to convince you to stop hanging out with them. It's just a matter of time when he will start criticizing your closest friends and your family, your education, your job, the way you behave, the way you dress... The list seems to be endless. He will always find a reason to look down on you and everything important to you. So, if you are familiar with this situation, and you asked yourself whether you are dating a narcissist, the answer is yes. You ARE dating a narcissist.
4. Your self-confidence is shrinking
Healthy relationships are always about giving and taking. It's a balance that we need if we want to be happy and maintain what we got. And if you're really dating a narcissist, you'll notice that this balance can be seriously affected.
However, with narcissists, it's never them who are affected (at least not right away). Mostly it's the other side who is taking the bullet. More precisely, it's the confidence. It is not uncommon for a narcissist to work on undermining your self-respect. It also doesn't help to know that they are very often not doing that on purpose.
Better say, they're not realizing what they are doing. As we have mentioned above, narcissism can develop into a sort of a disorder, making people unaware of the way they're treating others and of the way it's affecting them.
Still, that doesn't mean that you should just stand behind and watch. You can offer a helping hand and explain to your boyfriend how does that make you, and all the other people around him, feel. If you're offer is unwanted, we strongly advise you to create a distance between you and the narcissist. Because, no matter how hard you try, you can be affected. Your self-confidence can be affected. The image you have of you can be distorted without you even noticing. And such wounds take surprisingly long to heal.
5. People don't tend to like him
There are many reasons why people don't like someone in their surrounding. It's completely normal and you, most likely, can't do anything about it. However, if the people you are close with don't like your boyfriend, the chances are he's overly pretentious. Which, in itself, can mean that he's slightly narcissistic or a serious warning sign.
Of course, if your grandma or your dad doesn't like him, it doesn't necessarily mean that your boyfriend is a narcissist. Family often feels overly protective, so get used to it if you haven't already. My grandma disliked every single one of my boyfriends, and for a vast variety of reasons. Some of them even for being too short in her opinion. Creative woman, I must admit.
But there's one thing people mostly agree about: Whether someone is a bit of a douche or not. When it comes to such debates, pay close attention to what a majority is saying. Your friends and family can have a look at him from a different point of view. Plus, they know you, so they can have a pretty good picture of what kind of a guy you need in your life.
Yes, I know it can be hurtful at times to hear something negative about your boyfriend from your friends, but it can also be a good wake up call. Especially if you're noticing that something doesn't seem right.
What am I to do now when I'm dating a narcissist?
It is all upon you. You are the master of your decisions, and no one should have the right to tell you what to do or make decisions instead of you. You are the one who is supposed to lead your life. And as we had already told once before: in dating, you are not coping with one's potential, but with his reality. And the reality of being a girlfriend of a narcissist can be a harsh one. Superior, as he may seem at first, he can affect your personality and your integrity in the ways you are not ready to feel and the ways you shouldn't tolerate. So, if you are not feeling okay with dating someone, get over with it and move on. If dating a narcissist is more of a burden to you than a blessing, take a deep breath and fight for yourself. Nobody should be allowed to make you his Echo.